A Male Profile I Can Appreciate!

I may have found my match! Or, at least the male version of me! I came across this profile of a 36-year old in NJ and felt it was so spot on, that I had to tell him. Here's what it said: "Tried this for a bit now and so far I've found the following... - “Athletic” has somehow lost its meaning. Just because you wear sweats, doesnt make you athletic! - No one looks like their pics - People you are interested in, are usually not interested in you - Everyone is crazy… - People are to lazy to spell out full words (U R A QT). - If you’re excited about meeting someone, expect them to cancel last minute - If you’re not interested in someone, expect them to continue emailing you asking why you're not replying - Cougars are abundant... - Seems like everyone likes to take pics of themselves in the bathroom - wHy Do PeOpLe tYpE lIkE ThIs, OR IN ALL CAPS???? - Middle finger pics? Its not cool anymore... and still means FU! - Socially inept people. Please be able to add to a conversation! If we cant communicate via email, I doubt sitting face to face will be any better... Things I dont trust and you shouldn't either! - People with only one photo posted. - People with only self-taken pics. What no friends? - Pics from wacky angles or from 500ft away. - The Where's Waldo pics. Where every pic is of you and your 7 best friends. Leaving us to guess which one is you. - Fake profiles! I can spot them from a mile away. Thats a whole new level of sad... congrats! Done with my Rant – on to a little about me. I’m the following: - Brutally honest (sometimes to a fault) - Hard working – own a business and work my tail off - Faithful – comes with the honesty - Respectful with a combo of old school chivalry and new school equality - Picky and not willing to settle – hence being 36 single and never married… - Stubborn and proud, yet empathetic and pragmatic - Not religious… at all! Yet morally sound - Witty, fun and very sarcastic - Willing to put in the time, but not willing to waste it - Give me 100% and you will get it back. Same goes for 50%... *I'm very much looking for a relationship. I'm a one woman kind of guy and appreciate the same in return. **This may piss people off, so I apologize in advance. I DO NOT DATE BARTENDERS or STRIPPERS. Nothing personal - just a rule I live by *** Seriously, dont bother with the hate mail! If you dont like my profile, who cares... just click on the profile above/below mine and move on. If I dont get back to you I'm sorry, I either missed the email or I'm just not interested. I dont mind a friendly follow up, but calling me a jerk or anything else just makes you look foolish. You dont like it when a guy harasses you... the same goes for us! Anything else you want to know... just ask! I’m an open book." It's honest, it's direct, it's sarcastic....it's me! Take away message: I've never really bought into the whole "opposites attract" thing. I think similarities is the way to go.

I thought, "Oh, this should be good.", and I was right!

Too good not to share...had an email in my online dating inbox from a guy whose screen name was, "millionairebachelor". So, I said to myself, "Oh, this should be good." I opened up the email to find this,
"I have hired a matchmaking agency to screen all the women I am interested in. Due to discretion and the privacy involved in my businesses, I can't share any photos with you. Because of my busy schedule, it's difficult to find time for casual dating. These professionals I have hired, know me and know what I'm looking for. If interested in meeting me, you would need to be available to meet them at their office on Park Ave in New York City at your earliest convenience. If they determine we're a good match they will tell you more about me and we can meet! If things with us don't work out, they have a large network of single professional men in the New York City Area in their database. The meeting will be absolutely no cost to you. Would you be interested, I can send you more info and the name of the Senior Matchmaker I'm working for...don't worry this is not for tv"

Not sure if this is legit or not, so I'll file it in the, "I don't care either way, because I'm not interested." folder!

Overselling Yourself

Online dating is a bit like online shopping...for people. We scroll through person after person, reading their product description. When you have an online dating profile, you're selling yourself. Of course, you want to entice the buyer! Similarly, if you take the leap to send the first email, sometimes some of this "sales" information will be included, as well. But, in this case, I think this 29-year old guy from NJ went a bit overboard. I'll let you be the judge.

"Hey I am (name removed) and I am 29 from tinton falls area NJ Is there any chance you
are looking for a guy who would make it his mission to always keep you happy and
smiling,not start stupid arguments, not just try and get sex all the time like most
guys on here who will work out for you and also open doors for you and who wouldn't
call you excessively or stop you from going out with your girlfiends?

I am willing to be as perfect a boyfriend for you as I
can be I didn't copy and paste this to anyone else so please
appreciate that.

So anyways please send a message back if you are ready to be happy in life."

Takeaway lesson: Try to sell yourself in a genuine and modest way.

What's in a (Screen)Name?

When you're looking at someone'e online dating profile, you should take in as much information as possible...look at their pictures (obviously), read what they wrote, AND, look at their screen name. Names like "BadBoy001" or "Mother'sNightmare" should tell you something. First, it should tell you they're not too bright! Second, well, just run for the hills.
I was contacted (several times) by a guy with a screen name of "NotSoSmart". I can say, at least he was honest! His emails always consisted of one word and, on occasion, a punctuation mark. The word was, "Hi". That's it! Nothing more, nothing less. Tired of dealing with not so smart guys, he eventually got himself blocked by me.

Takeaway lesson: Find a screen name that doesn't hurt your chances!