You Get What You Give

My last entry was about some females being unaware that the type of guys they are attracting is due to the messages they're putting out to the world. Perhaps no one better exemplifies this right now than Courtney from this season's The Bachelor.

Courtney has quickly become the antithesis of "America's sweetheart" and "the girl next door" as we watch her lure Ben (the poor sucker) with her body and her whimsical personality. Courtney strategically only shows her nasty ways to the other girls, one of whom dubbed her the "black widow spider". Talk show host, Ellen, even expressed to Ben how upset she was to see Ben be deceived by Courtney. We've seen Courtney, a model, cry about how she has been treated so poorly in the past by men who don't appreciate her for long. Whether it's skinny-dipping or removing her top, the girl uses sex appeal like it's her job and then wonders why men don't fully appreciate her and treat her with respect. Because you get what you give and what she gives off is nothing more than a cheap sexual thrill.

It's sadly clear that this is a girl with deeply rooted issues with men and with her self-image. I truly hope that she seeks therapy so that she can overcome her issues with herself and men.

Take Away Message: Take a look in the mirror. The issues you experience with others can't always be due to the other person. Once in a while, chances are the issue is you.

Good Advice from a Man-Be Mindful of What You Are Attracting

Many people seem to be unaware of the type of person they may be attracting in life because of messages they are putting out into the world. The messages they are sending may be in what they choose to wear, it may be in how they speak, or, as in this case, it may be in what they reveal (literally) in their online profiles.

Here is some good advice found in the profile of a 37-year old man from New Jersey: "PROFILES WITH THE CHEST/BOOB PICS; IF IN YOUR PROFILE YOU STATE YOU'RE UPSET BY ONLY GETTING EMAILS ABOUT YOUR BODY??? RU KIDDING??***** -IF YOU'RE ONE OF THOSE IDIOTS, GO TO THE NEXT PROFILE....INTELLECTUALLY WE WONT GET ALONG"

Here, it's clear that the females he's speaking about have a disconnect between what their profile says and the pictures they are posting because he indicates they have revealing photos and then complain that the only emails they receive are about their body.

Take Away Lesson: Everything you do and send sends information about you to the world. Be mindful of the messages you are sending.

Long Distance Love

Everyone knows that a long distance relationship comes with challenges. A friend of mine who is in a long distance relationship shared these ideas with me and I thought they were worth passing along.
In addition to the more obvious ways of feeling connected, like phone calls and Skype sessions, he got a bit more creative. He and his girlfriend will cook the same meal for dinner so that they "share" the meal together. The next idea was my favorite. While on the phone, they will start watching the same movie at the same exact time so that they can experience the movie together. So clever!

Take away lesson: When relationships pose challenges, get creative to find solutions!

Would I Be Dumb or Desperate...

The advantage of making someone comfortable on a date is that they open up to you. Yes, sometimes they will put their foot in their mouths, but that often reveals information you're better off knowing sooner rather than later. Case in point, last night's date. I was left thinking that I would HAVE to either be dumb or desperate (with really low self-esteem) to ever go on another date with this guy.

Towards the end of dinner, he started talking about an ex-girlfriend who was so jealous and had trust issues. (Everyone knows you're not supposed to discuss ex-partners on a first date, right?) He went on about it to the point that I asked if he ever gave her a reason not to trust him. "Wellll..." he said with a smirk. "I'm just a big flirt..." It got better from there. He told me that he dates constantly and even once he's reached the point of being "ehh, whatever" about the girl, he continues to date her because it's better than being home alone and bored. Gee, that makes a girl feel special! I'm so glad I learned about this on date #1 instead of #7, 8, or 9. There were some other red flags on the date, but this really sealed the deal. Bullet dodged.

Take Away Lesson: Take in as much information as you can on the first date. Listen carefully to how they tell you they've treated people in the past...it's likely how they will treat people in the future.