In previous blogs, I've commented about mistakes people have made in sending an initial email on a dating website. At long last, here are a list of some do's and don't's:
Don't use texting lingo, like "ur pics r so cute". This is an email, not a text...write an email!
Think of a subject line that will get the person's attention. No subject line or a subject of "hi" shows very little effort and creativity. I try to find something in the person's profile that I can briefly comment on, usually in a funny way, to get their attention. Subject lines like I've gotten in the past, such as, "We found your perfect match" at least show some creativity.
Don't propose a date or marriage (yes, it's happened to me) in your first email! The first email should be a brief reach-out to the person to casually express interest, gauge his/her interest, and learn a bit more about the person. No one should accept an offer for a date, or marriage, after receiving one email from a complete stranger. Here's an example that I received from a 29 year old in Brooklyn, "hey beautiful you look amazing in your pictures...we should get together sometime for coffee or a bite to eat". Needless to say, that date didn't take place.
Don't write as if you already know the person. The casual questions like, "How was your day?" are things you ask someone you know, not someone you're trying to get to know.
DO be confident and don't say, "I'm sure you've heard this 100 times..." Here's an example from a 29 year old in Philly, "I'm pretty sure you know this already but you are beautiful. I'm just wondering what the catch is? My guess is 6th toe? Ha, I'm just kidding."
So, what should you write?
Do try to keep the first email brief; a few sentences or so. No need to pour out your life story in email #1...or email #5.
Do refer to information in the person's profile so that they know you read it. It also shows that you are interested in getting to know more about something specific about them. If they say they're into fitness or sports, you can ask what they do to stay in shape or what sports they watch or play. If they say they love movies, you can ask what their top recommendation is or what type of movies they like best.
Do ask at least one question. Crafting the first email can be hard. Make it easier for the recipient to reply by giving them at least one question to respond to.
It doesn't hurt to toss in a tactfully worded compliment or two. Nothing over the top and be genuine.
Do be mindful of spelling and grammar...it's a pet peeve for some (myself included). The first email starts to give the person an impression of you. How you write will create an image of your intelligence.
Take Away Lesson: Put in some effort...this could be your first communication with your future spouse!
Wednesday, October 26, 2011
Sunday, October 9, 2011
Dumb Move # 3
As far as dumb moves go, this one is pretty high up there. While on a FIRST date with a guy, I saw him look at his phone. He then announced to me that a girl that he connected with on a dating site was texting him to ask if he wanted to go out later that night. To insert his foot even further into his mouth, he proceeded to tell me that the girl seemed to be obsessed with him and found him on Facebook.
Internal dialog while this was occurring: Are you really serious right now?!? While on a first date with me you're going to tell me that you're being asked out by another girl at that moment in time?!
If he was trying to make himself appear to be a hot commodity, it certainly did not work on me. I thought it was very rude and inconsiderate. While the date wasn't knocking me off my feet otherwise, I would have likely considered a second date until this happened. This dumb move sealed the deal.
Oh, and speaking of "obsessed", after we parted ways, he texted within about 10 minutes to see if I'd be interested in another date. I was still driving home from our first (and last) date when I received the text. When I arrived home about 20 minutes later, I had another text message from him asking if he said anything wrong. Ya think?
Take Away Message: Don't try to make yourself appear to be a "wanted" item.
Internal dialog while this was occurring: Are you really serious right now?!? While on a first date with me you're going to tell me that you're being asked out by another girl at that moment in time?!
If he was trying to make himself appear to be a hot commodity, it certainly did not work on me. I thought it was very rude and inconsiderate. While the date wasn't knocking me off my feet otherwise, I would have likely considered a second date until this happened. This dumb move sealed the deal.
Oh, and speaking of "obsessed", after we parted ways, he texted within about 10 minutes to see if I'd be interested in another date. I was still driving home from our first (and last) date when I received the text. When I arrived home about 20 minutes later, I had another text message from him asking if he said anything wrong. Ya think?
Take Away Message: Don't try to make yourself appear to be a "wanted" item.
Be Genuine...Or, At Least Don't Confess That You're Not Genuine!
When I receive a first email from a guy on a dating site, I want to know that he read my profile. I want to see some evidence of him putting a little effort into the email. Comment or ask me a question about something in my profile to show that you're actually interested in something about me. It may be a move, but at least go through the motions!
A 38-year old in NJ wrote me this:
"Hi, I like your profile, and would like to get to know you. Now, before you say it.. Yes, this is a copy, and paste. I'm sorry, but I
just don't have the time to read everyone's profile, and craft an individualized email to all. I understand that women on (NAME OF DATING SITE)get bombarded with emails, and I am but one amongst the masses. I am however truly interested in getting to know you. So, if you check out my profile, and are truly interest, then don't hesitate to email a "hi" back. Once I received that, then I'd be more then happy to email you something that's definitely more personal than a copy, and paste.
Hope to hear from you soon."
I don't know if my favorite part is when he says he is "truly interested" in getting to know me or that he hopes he will hear back from me. The former is likely not true and the latter....well, that's one wish that will not be fulfilled!
Take Away Lesson: A girl wants to know that you are interested in HER, not that you're just throwing things against the wall to see what sticks! Put a personal touch on your communications!
A 38-year old in NJ wrote me this:
"Hi, I like your profile, and would like to get to know you. Now, before you say it.. Yes, this is a copy, and paste. I'm sorry, but I
just don't have the time to read everyone's profile, and craft an individualized email to all. I understand that women on (NAME OF DATING SITE)get bombarded with emails, and I am but one amongst the masses. I am however truly interested in getting to know you. So, if you check out my profile, and are truly interest, then don't hesitate to email a "hi" back. Once I received that, then I'd be more then happy to email you something that's definitely more personal than a copy, and paste.
Hope to hear from you soon."
I don't know if my favorite part is when he says he is "truly interested" in getting to know me or that he hopes he will hear back from me. The former is likely not true and the latter....well, that's one wish that will not be fulfilled!
Take Away Lesson: A girl wants to know that you are interested in HER, not that you're just throwing things against the wall to see what sticks! Put a personal touch on your communications!
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