It's Not That I'm Playing Hard to Get...I'm Not into You.

With some girls playing coy and hard to get with guys, it's no wonder that some guys can't take the hint when you're trying to quietly and gracefully drift away and fade into the background. Don't get me wrong, I think a little persistence is admirable and demonstrates interest, but there comes a time when a guy needs to take the hint.

In this first example, I was contacted by a 38-year old guy in NJ on a dating website and I declined to respond. Here is the subsequent email that I received from him:

"A few days back I sent you an email, however I still haven’t heard anything back yet. I’m not sure why you haven’t responded, but if you have never done this before, I can bet you’re a bit apprehensive. I’m sure getting 50 emails a day from 60-year old men asking for a massage can be a bit scary.
If you’re still single, and I’m thinking that’s a safe bet since you’re on the site, then we should talk sometime…I have a feeling you’ll like it.
As I said in my other email, I’m passionate, funny and have my life together.
Worst case – you might make a cool friend…so let’s chat sometime."

This approach didn't go over well with me (aside from the fact that I truly wasn't interested after his first email). Too presumptious...and a little weird. Since there had been no contact between us aside from his emails, I decided that refraining from any contact was the best approach.

In the second example, I had been out on two dates with the guy, which makes things a bit more tricky. After the second date, I was clear that there was no chemistry between us; he unfortunately, didn't come to the same conclusion. If a guy is really interested after a second date, I would expect a phone call. He texted, but maybe he picked up on my lack of interest, so I'll let that one slide. After a few periodic texts, to which I did reply, I had to eventually send him a "send off" text message to politely say that I just didn't feel chemistry between us.

In my experience, it's generally appreciated if you politely let the other person know that you simply don't feel a connection. They can't fault you for that. You're saving them from wasted time and energy.

Take away lesson: Honesty and politeness is usually the best policy.

Head vs. Heart

It's a battle, as well as an un-answered question, that's probably existed since the dawn of time....should you listen to your head or your heart?

Some married people say that it takes more than love to make a marriage work and that you need to use your head to think about whether or not the person you may decide to spend your life with can actually provide the type of life that you want. But, with the prevalence of divorce being what it is, I'm not so sure married people can give sound advice. Too often, I've admired a seemingly happy married couple only to learn they later got divorced.

Putting input from other people aside, I recently took a step back to ponder the question. Here is where I landed. If matters of love aren't the correct circumstances in which to trust your heart, then what circumstances WOULD more appropriately call for a "heart" decision? I'm not saying throw all logic and judgement out the window, but if it's a close call between your head and your heart, maybe tip the scales in favor of your heart in matters of love.

Take away lesson: Take logic into consideration, but don't ignore your heart.