It's true; love is not a science. Relationships are all different. The chemistry and connection between every two unique individuals IS unique! Therefore, I don't believe love and relationships are things that people can go to school and obtain a degree for. My degrees are in psychology, which helps me better understand people. The brain and the mind are sciences that can be studied. I call myself the Dating Dr. in jest. Follow your heart and your gut.
So, where is this rant coming from? Tonight, I was searching for other dating blogs to get some ideas for topics of future posts. I came across a site by someone claiming, "I am a personal trainer for women who want to fall in love." Really? Come on. Seriously? That's a crock. He calls himself a dating coach for strong, smart, successful women. Literally, this is what his website says. We're talking about love. It's like life. There is no instruction book. There are no clear cut rights or wrongs. By all means, take some well-intentioned advice (like my blog), but at the end of day, do what feels right and true to you.
Take away lesson: Love is not a science that can be mastered and taught to others!
Friday, May 27, 2011
When the First Impression is Already Too Late
How could you blow your chances before you even make your first impression? Several ways, actually. Today, I'll explain one.
A while ago, I was at work and saw the name and number of a co-worker come up on the display of my phone. Assuming it was a business call, I answered the phone. Well, it was a co-worker calling, but it wasn't a business call. She said she thought she knew a guy I might be interested in. She said she knew him for years and recently while he was having dinner with her and her husband, he spoke about wanting to "settle down" and get married. She said she immediately thought of me and showed him my picture on Facebook. She said he thought I was very pretty and assumed I must have a boyfriend. She told him that she and I hadn't talked in a while, so she would check to see if I was single these days. She then came to my office so that she could pull up his picture on Facebook for me to look at. I looked at his pictures and profile and everything looked promising! He was attractive, lived in the area, was in my target age range, was the same ethnicity, owned his own business,...even had a full head of hair... all systems were a-go! I gave her my phone number and email address so that she could give him my contact information.
She was kind enough to send an introductory email to us both, asking him to call me and providing my number.......tick, tock, tick, tock.....the phone is not ringing! A few weeks passed by and still no call; not even an email from him. At that point, my interest in him was gone. A guy should never sit on a girl's phone number for over a week without using it.
If you encounter a similar situation and you're on the one in my shoes, don't take it personally. These things happen and you'll probably never know the reason why.
Take away lesson: People may start to form impressions of you before you even formally meet or speak with them. Be conscious of what your actions (or inactions) may be saying to others.
A while ago, I was at work and saw the name and number of a co-worker come up on the display of my phone. Assuming it was a business call, I answered the phone. Well, it was a co-worker calling, but it wasn't a business call. She said she thought she knew a guy I might be interested in. She said she knew him for years and recently while he was having dinner with her and her husband, he spoke about wanting to "settle down" and get married. She said she immediately thought of me and showed him my picture on Facebook. She said he thought I was very pretty and assumed I must have a boyfriend. She told him that she and I hadn't talked in a while, so she would check to see if I was single these days. She then came to my office so that she could pull up his picture on Facebook for me to look at. I looked at his pictures and profile and everything looked promising! He was attractive, lived in the area, was in my target age range, was the same ethnicity, owned his own business,...even had a full head of hair... all systems were a-go! I gave her my phone number and email address so that she could give him my contact information.
She was kind enough to send an introductory email to us both, asking him to call me and providing my number.......tick, tock, tick, tock.....the phone is not ringing! A few weeks passed by and still no call; not even an email from him. At that point, my interest in him was gone. A guy should never sit on a girl's phone number for over a week without using it.
If you encounter a similar situation and you're on the one in my shoes, don't take it personally. These things happen and you'll probably never know the reason why.
Take away lesson: People may start to form impressions of you before you even formally meet or speak with them. Be conscious of what your actions (or inactions) may be saying to others.
Friday, May 20, 2011
From the Male Perspective
Today, I'm going to give the floor to the men to have their say. Well, one man. Specifically, a 29 year old guy in Philadelphia. He took a very interesting approach to his online dating profile. He chose to use it as a venue to convey some thoughts to women.
Without any further delay, I give you "Rules for Women" (according to this guy). Agree? Disagree? Let me know.
Without any further delay, I give you "Rules for Women" (according to this guy). Agree? Disagree? Let me know.
Rules For Women
This is a list of rules that guys wished women knew…
1. Learn to work the toilet seat: if it’s up put it down.
2. Don’t cut your hair. Ever.
3. Don’t make us guess.
4. If you ask a question you don’t want an answer to, expect an answer you don’t want to hear.
5. Sometimes, he’s not thinking about you. Live with it.
6. He’s never thinking about “The Relationship.”
7. Get rid of your cat. And no, it’s not different, it’s just like every other cat.
8. Dogs are better than cats.
9. Sunday = Sports. It’s like the full moon or the changing of the tides. Let it be.
10. Shopping is not everybody’s idea of a good time.
11. Anything you wear is fine. Really.
12. You have enough clothes.
13. You have too many shoes.
14. Crying is blackmail. Use it if you must, but don’t expect us to like it.
15. Your brother is an idiot.
16. Ask for what you want. Subtle hints don’t work.
17. No, he doesn’t know what day it is. He never will. Mark anniversaries on a calendar.
18. Share the bathroom
19. Share the closet.
20. Yes and No are perfectly acceptable answers.
21. A headache that lasts for 17 months is a problem. See a doctor.
22. Nothing says ‘I love you’ like sex in the morning.
23. Foreign films are best left to foreigners.
24. Check your oil.
25. Anything we said 6 or 8 months ago is inadmissible in an argument.
26. Christopher Columbus didn’t need directions, and neither do we.
27. If you think you’re getting on the heavy side, you probably are. Don’t ask us.
28. Yes, peeing standing up is more difficult than peeing from point blank range. We’re bound to miss sometimes.
29. Don’t fake it. We’d rather be ineffective than deceived.
30. If you don’t dress like the Victoria’s Secret girls, don’t expect us to act like soap opera guys.
31. Let us ogle. If we don’t look at other women, how can we know how pretty you are?
32. Don’t rub the lamp if you don’t want the genie to come out.
33. You can either ask us to do something OR tell us how you want it done-not both.
34. Women wearing Wonder bras and low-cut blouses lose their right to complain about having their boobs stared at.
This is a list of rules that guys wished women knew…
1. Learn to work the toilet seat: if it’s up put it down.
2. Don’t cut your hair. Ever.
3. Don’t make us guess.
4. If you ask a question you don’t want an answer to, expect an answer you don’t want to hear.
5. Sometimes, he’s not thinking about you. Live with it.
6. He’s never thinking about “The Relationship.”
7. Get rid of your cat. And no, it’s not different, it’s just like every other cat.
8. Dogs are better than cats.
9. Sunday = Sports. It’s like the full moon or the changing of the tides. Let it be.
10. Shopping is not everybody’s idea of a good time.
11. Anything you wear is fine. Really.
12. You have enough clothes.
13. You have too many shoes.
14. Crying is blackmail. Use it if you must, but don’t expect us to like it.
15. Your brother is an idiot.
16. Ask for what you want. Subtle hints don’t work.
17. No, he doesn’t know what day it is. He never will. Mark anniversaries on a calendar.
18. Share the bathroom
19. Share the closet.
20. Yes and No are perfectly acceptable answers.
21. A headache that lasts for 17 months is a problem. See a doctor.
22. Nothing says ‘I love you’ like sex in the morning.
23. Foreign films are best left to foreigners.
24. Check your oil.
25. Anything we said 6 or 8 months ago is inadmissible in an argument.
26. Christopher Columbus didn’t need directions, and neither do we.
27. If you think you’re getting on the heavy side, you probably are. Don’t ask us.
28. Yes, peeing standing up is more difficult than peeing from point blank range. We’re bound to miss sometimes.
29. Don’t fake it. We’d rather be ineffective than deceived.
30. If you don’t dress like the Victoria’s Secret girls, don’t expect us to act like soap opera guys.
31. Let us ogle. If we don’t look at other women, how can we know how pretty you are?
32. Don’t rub the lamp if you don’t want the genie to come out.
33. You can either ask us to do something OR tell us how you want it done-not both.
34. Women wearing Wonder bras and low-cut blouses lose their right to complain about having their boobs stared at.
Tuesday, May 17, 2011
Online Dating Profile Pictures-Avoiding False Advertising
Let's face it. Wanting or not wanting a first date with someone usually comes down to the level of physical attraction. In the online dating world, you have two things to go off of to decide if you want to go on a first date with the person-pictures and the profile. When you "meet" someone online, you miss out on seeing them in action, experiencing their charm, and feeling any chemistry. ALL you have is a still picture and some words on a computer screen. I'll spend some time addressing do's and don't's for online dating profiles in future posts, but today, I'm going to focus on the pictures.
In case it hasn't already been made clear, every piece of information in these blogs will always be real. This is a real-life glimpse into the dating world (from my perspective of course!). To respect the anonymity of all, I'll never disclose anyone's name. In future entries, I'll talk about not coming off as jaded by the dating process in your online profile (and show you an example of a guy who should have taken my advice). To be clear, I'm not jaded by this single life--just thought I'd finally share some of the lessons I've learned along the way in a very direct and sarcastic manner that is classically...me!
LIVE by these rules!
#1 No pics=no date. Plain and simple. What are you hiding?
#2 More than one picture is needed. People can look very different in multiple photographs.
#3 Include a full body shot and a headshot. Here's where some false advertising can come into play. Posting only headshots leaves a person wondering what the rest of you looks like and again, this is a game of attraction.
Here are some more general pointers. This one is more for the guys. Don't only post pictures in which you are wearing a hat. As we get older, women want to see what's under that hat!
Avoid posting group pictures. First off, these pictures tend to be taken from further away, thus making it more hard to see detail. Next, sometimes it's hard to pick out which one the right person is! Finally, think hard before posting a picture of you standing directly next to someone else of the same sex. The person looking at the picture may just think the other person is more attractive! (Ouch! Sorry, it's true.) Also, if you're cropping someone out of the picture, for God's sake, do a good cropping job! Particularly if you're cropping out someone of the opposite sex, chances are, people are going to think it was a pic of you and an ex.
Post recent pictures. This gets back to false advertising. Be honest with people. You would want the same respect. She or he is going to find out eventually if you meet!
Keep in mind that you'll likely attract what you are advertising. So, a pic of you with your finger up your nose (no lie; a 31 year old man in NY did this), you're going to attract a "special" type. Also, keep your shirts on! Again, be mindful of what you're trying to attract. If you're only looking for something physical, then have at it.
Don't include pictures of pets, landscapes, cars, etc. You can convey what your interests are in the written profile. Again, the pics are about being able to decide if there is physical attraction.
Here's my favorite one....drum roll.....For the love of God, find a friend, a relative, a trained monkey, ANYONE to take your picture for you! No more bathroom mirror cell phone pictures, please!
When looking at someone else's pictures, here's a tip that comes in handy. Look for date/time stamps on the pictures. This is obviously the best way to tell how old someone's picture is.
Now, didn't you learn a lot here today? :)
Take away lesson: Keep it clean. Be honest. Take recent pictures and have someone else actually take the picture!
In case it hasn't already been made clear, every piece of information in these blogs will always be real. This is a real-life glimpse into the dating world (from my perspective of course!). To respect the anonymity of all, I'll never disclose anyone's name. In future entries, I'll talk about not coming off as jaded by the dating process in your online profile (and show you an example of a guy who should have taken my advice). To be clear, I'm not jaded by this single life--just thought I'd finally share some of the lessons I've learned along the way in a very direct and sarcastic manner that is classically...me!
LIVE by these rules!
#1 No pics=no date. Plain and simple. What are you hiding?
#2 More than one picture is needed. People can look very different in multiple photographs.
#3 Include a full body shot and a headshot. Here's where some false advertising can come into play. Posting only headshots leaves a person wondering what the rest of you looks like and again, this is a game of attraction.
Here are some more general pointers. This one is more for the guys. Don't only post pictures in which you are wearing a hat. As we get older, women want to see what's under that hat!
Avoid posting group pictures. First off, these pictures tend to be taken from further away, thus making it more hard to see detail. Next, sometimes it's hard to pick out which one the right person is! Finally, think hard before posting a picture of you standing directly next to someone else of the same sex. The person looking at the picture may just think the other person is more attractive! (Ouch! Sorry, it's true.) Also, if you're cropping someone out of the picture, for God's sake, do a good cropping job! Particularly if you're cropping out someone of the opposite sex, chances are, people are going to think it was a pic of you and an ex.
Post recent pictures. This gets back to false advertising. Be honest with people. You would want the same respect. She or he is going to find out eventually if you meet!
Keep in mind that you'll likely attract what you are advertising. So, a pic of you with your finger up your nose (no lie; a 31 year old man in NY did this), you're going to attract a "special" type. Also, keep your shirts on! Again, be mindful of what you're trying to attract. If you're only looking for something physical, then have at it.
Don't include pictures of pets, landscapes, cars, etc. You can convey what your interests are in the written profile. Again, the pics are about being able to decide if there is physical attraction.
Here's my favorite one....drum roll.....For the love of God, find a friend, a relative, a trained monkey, ANYONE to take your picture for you! No more bathroom mirror cell phone pictures, please!
When looking at someone else's pictures, here's a tip that comes in handy. Look for date/time stamps on the pictures. This is obviously the best way to tell how old someone's picture is.
Now, didn't you learn a lot here today? :)
Take away lesson: Keep it clean. Be honest. Take recent pictures and have someone else actually take the picture!
Sunday, May 15, 2011
Some basics-texting
For my first post, I thought I'd start with a basic issue that irks me...texting. Texting is a great way to keep in communication with someone and gauge their interest, but it has to be used in the right way.
Let's look at a quick online dating scenario. You and I found eachother on a dating website. We've exchanged several emails and you've asked for my number. So far, we're off to a good start, right? I give you my number and a few days later, receive a text telling me what town you're thinking of going out to for a drink that night and asking if I have any interest in joining you. Let's hit the pause button--what just happened? First off, you never gave me your number, so when I receive your text, I can only assume it's you. Second, THIS is our first form of communication outside of email? Don't set up a date over text message unless you're simply finalizing the details of the plan. If I give you my number, I expect you to pick up the phone and call (and, I'll add, within a reasonable amount of time), not text me.
Guys, if you're able to get the digits, be a man, pick up the phone and ask the girl out.
Here's another reason I would NEVER agree to a date over text message with someone I've never spoken to on the phone-safety. Ladies, be smart and be careful. As it is, with online dating, you're meeting a stranger. Believe me when I tell you that a brief conversation can reveal a lot about a person and in many instances, I've decided to not agree to a date after one phone call because of red flags that were raised during the discussion. The flags can range from anything as simple as personality clashes to incessant use of pet names, like "cutie" or "sweetie". If someone is using affectionate nicknames towards someone they've never met, they're either not genuine or looking for an insta-girlfriend. Either way, run.
After the first date, I think texting is a great way to put out a feeler to see if the person is interested. Generally speaking, I think the female may be the more insecure of the two sexes, so I think it's incumbent upon the guy to reach out, if he's interested. However, a few days after the first date, one of you has to pick up the phone and call the other one, again, if you're interested. Communication is the only way to get to know eachother better and this can't be done as effectively through text messages. Being that I'm looking for a guy with old fashioned manners, I would look for the guy to make that call. But, if the guy took the first step to initiate texting after the first date, then the girl may want to show her interest by making the first post-date call.
Take-away lesson: Use text messages strategically. They should never be used as the first point of contact and should never be used to ask someone out on a first date.
Let's look at a quick online dating scenario. You and I found eachother on a dating website. We've exchanged several emails and you've asked for my number. So far, we're off to a good start, right? I give you my number and a few days later, receive a text telling me what town you're thinking of going out to for a drink that night and asking if I have any interest in joining you. Let's hit the pause button--what just happened? First off, you never gave me your number, so when I receive your text, I can only assume it's you. Second, THIS is our first form of communication outside of email? Don't set up a date over text message unless you're simply finalizing the details of the plan. If I give you my number, I expect you to pick up the phone and call (and, I'll add, within a reasonable amount of time), not text me.
Guys, if you're able to get the digits, be a man, pick up the phone and ask the girl out.
Here's another reason I would NEVER agree to a date over text message with someone I've never spoken to on the phone-safety. Ladies, be smart and be careful. As it is, with online dating, you're meeting a stranger. Believe me when I tell you that a brief conversation can reveal a lot about a person and in many instances, I've decided to not agree to a date after one phone call because of red flags that were raised during the discussion. The flags can range from anything as simple as personality clashes to incessant use of pet names, like "cutie" or "sweetie". If someone is using affectionate nicknames towards someone they've never met, they're either not genuine or looking for an insta-girlfriend. Either way, run.
After the first date, I think texting is a great way to put out a feeler to see if the person is interested. Generally speaking, I think the female may be the more insecure of the two sexes, so I think it's incumbent upon the guy to reach out, if he's interested. However, a few days after the first date, one of you has to pick up the phone and call the other one, again, if you're interested. Communication is the only way to get to know eachother better and this can't be done as effectively through text messages. Being that I'm looking for a guy with old fashioned manners, I would look for the guy to make that call. But, if the guy took the first step to initiate texting after the first date, then the girl may want to show her interest by making the first post-date call.
Take-away lesson: Use text messages strategically. They should never be used as the first point of contact and should never be used to ask someone out on a first date.
Meet the Dating Doctor
Hi, I'm the "Dating Doctor"!
So, why am I so presumptuous as to refer to myself as the "Dating Doctor"? When it comes to dating, I've tried it all--blind dates, various dating websites, speed dating, even match makers. I've perfected the art of the online dating profile to the point where many guys who contact me ask how on earth I am still single. It's been years since a guy hasn't wanted a second date after a first one. With years worth of dating experience and war stories, I've been told that I should have written a book. Well, I figured a blog may be the next best thing! With so many attempts at finding "Mr. Right", some women in my shoes may resort to lowering their standards and settling for "Mr. Right Now". Not this chick. Herein lies why I am still single. To say I've been disappointed with the caliber of single men would be an understatement. Lots of books have been written (I've even read a few of them) about the differences between men and women, how to find your true love, and the "rules" to follow to play the game. What I will offer here is real-life stories with real quick advice.
As a general disclaimer, I'd like to state upfront that this blog is not intended to generalize both genders and cast either in a fully positive or negative light. I'm a very objective person and I call it like I see it. If you feel you're a guy that broke the mold and is the antithesis of the types of guys I've encountered, I'd love to hear from you! Give some of the other guys some pointers.
Clearly, given that I'm still in the dating game, I have not yet found Mr. Right. So, I encourage you to post your stories and questions so that we can all improve the dating environment out there!
So, why am I so presumptuous as to refer to myself as the "Dating Doctor"? When it comes to dating, I've tried it all--blind dates, various dating websites, speed dating, even match makers. I've perfected the art of the online dating profile to the point where many guys who contact me ask how on earth I am still single. It's been years since a guy hasn't wanted a second date after a first one. With years worth of dating experience and war stories, I've been told that I should have written a book. Well, I figured a blog may be the next best thing! With so many attempts at finding "Mr. Right", some women in my shoes may resort to lowering their standards and settling for "Mr. Right Now". Not this chick. Herein lies why I am still single. To say I've been disappointed with the caliber of single men would be an understatement. Lots of books have been written (I've even read a few of them) about the differences between men and women, how to find your true love, and the "rules" to follow to play the game. What I will offer here is real-life stories with real quick advice.
As a general disclaimer, I'd like to state upfront that this blog is not intended to generalize both genders and cast either in a fully positive or negative light. I'm a very objective person and I call it like I see it. If you feel you're a guy that broke the mold and is the antithesis of the types of guys I've encountered, I'd love to hear from you! Give some of the other guys some pointers.
Clearly, given that I'm still in the dating game, I have not yet found Mr. Right. So, I encourage you to post your stories and questions so that we can all improve the dating environment out there!
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