We've all seen it-we walk by a couple and wonder, "What is she doing with him?" Or, "She's so out of his league; how did he land her?" Over the years, here is what I've learned is the answer to account for this. There are no leagues. Sure, people of similar social statures, financial, educational, or physical statuses may have more in common and perhaps, ultimately may have better compatability. But, again, it all comes down to a connection and chemistry. Two people, regardless of whether or not they're on equal footing as far as looks or anything else is concerned, will either have a connection or they won't.
So, don't be afraid to approach the person you think it "out of your league". You never know what type of connection you may have!
Take away lesson: There are no leagues, just connection and chemistry. Take a chance!
Sunday, December 18, 2011
Thursday, December 8, 2011
Pledge to Either Be Happy with Yourself or Change
It happened again. Another guy told me he was burned by an online dating experience by a girl who posted really old pictures that did not represent her current self. This guy is a good looking, successful business owner, who tried online dating once. He said it was painfully clear that his date had posted really old pictures of herself. Being the nice guy that he is, he didn't mention her false advertising and stayed for the duration of the date. But,feeling duped, he never returned to the world of online dating and later met his current girlfriend at a gym.
Ladies (and gentlemen), you can't deceive and expect it to end well. Either learn to accept yourself and be happy with who you are or commit to improving yourself to be the person you aspire to be.
I've never been a big fan of New Year's resolutions because I adhere to the philosophy that if you really want to make a change, you can decide to do so at any instant and don't need an annual event to push the issue. But, for those who do make resolutions, I suggest you make one to either accept yourself or improve yourself!
Take away lesson: If you aren't comfortable and truthful with yourself, you can't expect anyone else to be comfortable or truthful with you.
Ladies (and gentlemen), you can't deceive and expect it to end well. Either learn to accept yourself and be happy with who you are or commit to improving yourself to be the person you aspire to be.
I've never been a big fan of New Year's resolutions because I adhere to the philosophy that if you really want to make a change, you can decide to do so at any instant and don't need an annual event to push the issue. But, for those who do make resolutions, I suggest you make one to either accept yourself or improve yourself!
Take away lesson: If you aren't comfortable and truthful with yourself, you can't expect anyone else to be comfortable or truthful with you.
Friday, November 18, 2011
An Online Dating Email No-No...TMI
After recently posting guidance on how to craft your initial online dating email to someone, I thought today I would highlight a definite "don't"....too much information.
It's okay to provide information one level deeper than what the person could read about in your profile. It's not okay to provide an autobiography of sensitive information that should be revealed over time.
Case in point-Here's an email I received:
"Hey, I just wanted to say hello...
Obviously, I saw your bio/profile. I really liked what you had to say. I thought it was great/sincere. BTW, your photos are brilliant too! ;)
Well, here's a little more information about me...
My tenure on-line started a few months ago... Just really wanted to see what it was all about, perhaps meet someone interesting / see where that leads... I've made a few contacts but nothing spectacular has happened to date. ...There is so much trite out there (in those profiles) its kind of hard to sort out the real people... Notwithstanding, I'm still searching for my oasis in this cyber-desert (how's that for an abstract metaphor? ...lol) and if I don't find her -perhaps at least I'll meet my doppelganger -which could be fun too :)
I have such an affinity with "timing" -I just have to believe everything happens for a reason... That whole concept of fate/destiny really fascinates me... I believe in windows of opportunities...
Lets see, I got divorced in 2009. I have 3 children; 2 sons & a daughter (ages 17,15 & 11). I share joint custody w/my ex. It works out pretty well... I work for a major IT company doing R&D for numerous fortune 500 clients -I'm very engaged in cutting-edge technologies.
I'm also a real movie buff; l enjoy dramas, dark comedies, & the occasional suspense/thriller. I have a appreciation for art & poetry -even try to do a little painting & writing in my spare time. Lately, I've been taking my kids to a lot concerts & sporting events. We're big sports fans & the music endeavors range from alternative to rock. We have a blast!
Lastly, I love banter -the cerebral witty stuff really resonates w/me...
If you would like to communicate? -drop me a note. Hope to hear from you...
PS My pics are current, the profile pic is from this month (the other ones are all less than 4mo's old) and I weigh 185lbs ...just keeping it real ;)
PS2 I work in the Bedminster area ...just thought it was worth mentioning"
Have I made my point? Way too much info and way too soon.
Take away lesson: Leave some information to be revealed at a later time when emailing someone on a dating site!
It's okay to provide information one level deeper than what the person could read about in your profile. It's not okay to provide an autobiography of sensitive information that should be revealed over time.
Case in point-Here's an email I received:
"Hey, I just wanted to say hello...
Obviously, I saw your bio/profile. I really liked what you had to say. I thought it was great/sincere. BTW, your photos are brilliant too! ;)
Well, here's a little more information about me...
My tenure on-line started a few months ago... Just really wanted to see what it was all about, perhaps meet someone interesting / see where that leads... I've made a few contacts but nothing spectacular has happened to date. ...There is so much trite out there (in those profiles) its kind of hard to sort out the real people... Notwithstanding, I'm still searching for my oasis in this cyber-desert (how's that for an abstract metaphor? ...lol) and if I don't find her -perhaps at least I'll meet my doppelganger -which could be fun too :)
I have such an affinity with "timing" -I just have to believe everything happens for a reason... That whole concept of fate/destiny really fascinates me... I believe in windows of opportunities...
Lets see, I got divorced in 2009. I have 3 children; 2 sons & a daughter (ages 17,15 & 11). I share joint custody w/my ex. It works out pretty well... I work for a major IT company doing R&D for numerous fortune 500 clients -I'm very engaged in cutting-edge technologies.
I'm also a real movie buff; l enjoy dramas, dark comedies, & the occasional suspense/thriller. I have a appreciation for art & poetry -even try to do a little painting & writing in my spare time. Lately, I've been taking my kids to a lot concerts & sporting events. We're big sports fans & the music endeavors range from alternative to rock. We have a blast!
Lastly, I love banter -the cerebral witty stuff really resonates w/me...
If you would like to communicate? -drop me a note. Hope to hear from you...
PS My pics are current, the profile pic is from this month (the other ones are all less than 4mo's old) and I weigh 185lbs ...just keeping it real ;)
PS2 I work in the Bedminster area ...just thought it was worth mentioning"
Have I made my point? Way too much info and way too soon.
Take away lesson: Leave some information to be revealed at a later time when emailing someone on a dating site!
Sunday, November 6, 2011
Men Must Be Men
It's tough for guys to put themselves out there. I get it. But, a confident, take-charge kind of guy is appealing!
On numerous occasions after a date, I've received the "It was great meeting you. Let me know if you'd like to do it again." text message. In a way, it conveys interest and sounds polite to let the woman decide, but what I want to say is, "Step up and ask me out on a second date if you want a second date!" I've never actually said that, though. Guys, don't put the pressure on the girls. We want to be pursued. If you were interested, go out on a limb and ask us out. Worst case scenario? We say no, but you'll probably never run into us again...not so bad, right?
Take Away Lesson: Men, be men! If you're interested, show it by asking the girl out again. Oh, most importantly, this should be done either on the phone or in person (at the end of the first date), not over text message!
On numerous occasions after a date, I've received the "It was great meeting you. Let me know if you'd like to do it again." text message. In a way, it conveys interest and sounds polite to let the woman decide, but what I want to say is, "Step up and ask me out on a second date if you want a second date!" I've never actually said that, though. Guys, don't put the pressure on the girls. We want to be pursued. If you were interested, go out on a limb and ask us out. Worst case scenario? We say no, but you'll probably never run into us again...not so bad, right?
Take Away Lesson: Men, be men! If you're interested, show it by asking the girl out again. Oh, most importantly, this should be done either on the phone or in person (at the end of the first date), not over text message!
Wednesday, October 26, 2011
Crafting an Online Dating Email
In previous blogs, I've commented about mistakes people have made in sending an initial email on a dating website. At long last, here are a list of some do's and don't's:
Don't use texting lingo, like "ur pics r so cute". This is an email, not a text...write an email!
Think of a subject line that will get the person's attention. No subject line or a subject of "hi" shows very little effort and creativity. I try to find something in the person's profile that I can briefly comment on, usually in a funny way, to get their attention. Subject lines like I've gotten in the past, such as, "We found your perfect match" at least show some creativity.
Don't propose a date or marriage (yes, it's happened to me) in your first email! The first email should be a brief reach-out to the person to casually express interest, gauge his/her interest, and learn a bit more about the person. No one should accept an offer for a date, or marriage, after receiving one email from a complete stranger. Here's an example that I received from a 29 year old in Brooklyn, "hey beautiful you look amazing in your pictures...we should get together sometime for coffee or a bite to eat". Needless to say, that date didn't take place.
Don't write as if you already know the person. The casual questions like, "How was your day?" are things you ask someone you know, not someone you're trying to get to know.
DO be confident and don't say, "I'm sure you've heard this 100 times..." Here's an example from a 29 year old in Philly, "I'm pretty sure you know this already but you are beautiful. I'm just wondering what the catch is? My guess is 6th toe? Ha, I'm just kidding."
So, what should you write?
Do try to keep the first email brief; a few sentences or so. No need to pour out your life story in email #1...or email #5.
Do refer to information in the person's profile so that they know you read it. It also shows that you are interested in getting to know more about something specific about them. If they say they're into fitness or sports, you can ask what they do to stay in shape or what sports they watch or play. If they say they love movies, you can ask what their top recommendation is or what type of movies they like best.
Do ask at least one question. Crafting the first email can be hard. Make it easier for the recipient to reply by giving them at least one question to respond to.
It doesn't hurt to toss in a tactfully worded compliment or two. Nothing over the top and be genuine.
Do be mindful of spelling and grammar...it's a pet peeve for some (myself included). The first email starts to give the person an impression of you. How you write will create an image of your intelligence.
Take Away Lesson: Put in some effort...this could be your first communication with your future spouse!
Don't use texting lingo, like "ur pics r so cute". This is an email, not a text...write an email!
Think of a subject line that will get the person's attention. No subject line or a subject of "hi" shows very little effort and creativity. I try to find something in the person's profile that I can briefly comment on, usually in a funny way, to get their attention. Subject lines like I've gotten in the past, such as, "We found your perfect match" at least show some creativity.
Don't propose a date or marriage (yes, it's happened to me) in your first email! The first email should be a brief reach-out to the person to casually express interest, gauge his/her interest, and learn a bit more about the person. No one should accept an offer for a date, or marriage, after receiving one email from a complete stranger. Here's an example that I received from a 29 year old in Brooklyn, "hey beautiful you look amazing in your pictures...we should get together sometime for coffee or a bite to eat". Needless to say, that date didn't take place.
Don't write as if you already know the person. The casual questions like, "How was your day?" are things you ask someone you know, not someone you're trying to get to know.
DO be confident and don't say, "I'm sure you've heard this 100 times..." Here's an example from a 29 year old in Philly, "I'm pretty sure you know this already but you are beautiful. I'm just wondering what the catch is? My guess is 6th toe? Ha, I'm just kidding."
So, what should you write?
Do try to keep the first email brief; a few sentences or so. No need to pour out your life story in email #1...or email #5.
Do refer to information in the person's profile so that they know you read it. It also shows that you are interested in getting to know more about something specific about them. If they say they're into fitness or sports, you can ask what they do to stay in shape or what sports they watch or play. If they say they love movies, you can ask what their top recommendation is or what type of movies they like best.
Do ask at least one question. Crafting the first email can be hard. Make it easier for the recipient to reply by giving them at least one question to respond to.
It doesn't hurt to toss in a tactfully worded compliment or two. Nothing over the top and be genuine.
Do be mindful of spelling and grammar...it's a pet peeve for some (myself included). The first email starts to give the person an impression of you. How you write will create an image of your intelligence.
Take Away Lesson: Put in some effort...this could be your first communication with your future spouse!
Sunday, October 9, 2011
Dumb Move # 3
As far as dumb moves go, this one is pretty high up there. While on a FIRST date with a guy, I saw him look at his phone. He then announced to me that a girl that he connected with on a dating site was texting him to ask if he wanted to go out later that night. To insert his foot even further into his mouth, he proceeded to tell me that the girl seemed to be obsessed with him and found him on Facebook.
Internal dialog while this was occurring: Are you really serious right now?!? While on a first date with me you're going to tell me that you're being asked out by another girl at that moment in time?!
If he was trying to make himself appear to be a hot commodity, it certainly did not work on me. I thought it was very rude and inconsiderate. While the date wasn't knocking me off my feet otherwise, I would have likely considered a second date until this happened. This dumb move sealed the deal.
Oh, and speaking of "obsessed", after we parted ways, he texted within about 10 minutes to see if I'd be interested in another date. I was still driving home from our first (and last) date when I received the text. When I arrived home about 20 minutes later, I had another text message from him asking if he said anything wrong. Ya think?
Take Away Message: Don't try to make yourself appear to be a "wanted" item.
Internal dialog while this was occurring: Are you really serious right now?!? While on a first date with me you're going to tell me that you're being asked out by another girl at that moment in time?!
If he was trying to make himself appear to be a hot commodity, it certainly did not work on me. I thought it was very rude and inconsiderate. While the date wasn't knocking me off my feet otherwise, I would have likely considered a second date until this happened. This dumb move sealed the deal.
Oh, and speaking of "obsessed", after we parted ways, he texted within about 10 minutes to see if I'd be interested in another date. I was still driving home from our first (and last) date when I received the text. When I arrived home about 20 minutes later, I had another text message from him asking if he said anything wrong. Ya think?
Take Away Message: Don't try to make yourself appear to be a "wanted" item.
Be Genuine...Or, At Least Don't Confess That You're Not Genuine!
When I receive a first email from a guy on a dating site, I want to know that he read my profile. I want to see some evidence of him putting a little effort into the email. Comment or ask me a question about something in my profile to show that you're actually interested in something about me. It may be a move, but at least go through the motions!
A 38-year old in NJ wrote me this:
"Hi, I like your profile, and would like to get to know you. Now, before you say it.. Yes, this is a copy, and paste. I'm sorry, but I
just don't have the time to read everyone's profile, and craft an individualized email to all. I understand that women on (NAME OF DATING SITE)get bombarded with emails, and I am but one amongst the masses. I am however truly interested in getting to know you. So, if you check out my profile, and are truly interest, then don't hesitate to email a "hi" back. Once I received that, then I'd be more then happy to email you something that's definitely more personal than a copy, and paste.
Hope to hear from you soon."
I don't know if my favorite part is when he says he is "truly interested" in getting to know me or that he hopes he will hear back from me. The former is likely not true and the latter....well, that's one wish that will not be fulfilled!
Take Away Lesson: A girl wants to know that you are interested in HER, not that you're just throwing things against the wall to see what sticks! Put a personal touch on your communications!
A 38-year old in NJ wrote me this:
"Hi, I like your profile, and would like to get to know you. Now, before you say it.. Yes, this is a copy, and paste. I'm sorry, but I
just don't have the time to read everyone's profile, and craft an individualized email to all. I understand that women on (NAME OF DATING SITE)get bombarded with emails, and I am but one amongst the masses. I am however truly interested in getting to know you. So, if you check out my profile, and are truly interest, then don't hesitate to email a "hi" back. Once I received that, then I'd be more then happy to email you something that's definitely more personal than a copy, and paste.
Hope to hear from you soon."
I don't know if my favorite part is when he says he is "truly interested" in getting to know me or that he hopes he will hear back from me. The former is likely not true and the latter....well, that's one wish that will not be fulfilled!
Take Away Lesson: A girl wants to know that you are interested in HER, not that you're just throwing things against the wall to see what sticks! Put a personal touch on your communications!
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