In previous blogs, I've commented about mistakes people have made in sending an initial email on a dating website. At long last, here are a list of some do's and don't's:
Don't use texting lingo, like "ur pics r so cute". This is an email, not a text...write an email!
Think of a subject line that will get the person's attention. No subject line or a subject of "hi" shows very little effort and creativity. I try to find something in the person's profile that I can briefly comment on, usually in a funny way, to get their attention. Subject lines like I've gotten in the past, such as, "We found your perfect match" at least show some creativity.
Don't propose a date or marriage (yes, it's happened to me) in your first email! The first email should be a brief reach-out to the person to casually express interest, gauge his/her interest, and learn a bit more about the person. No one should accept an offer for a date, or marriage, after receiving one email from a complete stranger. Here's an example that I received from a 29 year old in Brooklyn, "hey beautiful you look amazing in your pictures...we should get together sometime for coffee or a bite to eat". Needless to say, that date didn't take place.
Don't write as if you already know the person. The casual questions like, "How was your day?" are things you ask someone you know, not someone you're trying to get to know.
DO be confident and don't say, "I'm sure you've heard this 100 times..." Here's an example from a 29 year old in Philly, "I'm pretty sure you know this already but you are beautiful. I'm just wondering what the catch is? My guess is 6th toe? Ha, I'm just kidding."
So, what should you write?
Do try to keep the first email brief; a few sentences or so. No need to pour out your life story in email #1...or email #5.
Do refer to information in the person's profile so that they know you read it. It also shows that you are interested in getting to know more about something specific about them. If they say they're into fitness or sports, you can ask what they do to stay in shape or what sports they watch or play. If they say they love movies, you can ask what their top recommendation is or what type of movies they like best.
Do ask at least one question. Crafting the first email can be hard. Make it easier for the recipient to reply by giving them at least one question to respond to.
It doesn't hurt to toss in a tactfully worded compliment or two. Nothing over the top and be genuine.
Do be mindful of spelling and grammar...it's a pet peeve for some (myself included). The first email starts to give the person an impression of you. How you write will create an image of your intelligence.
Take Away Lesson: Put in some effort...this could be your first communication with your future spouse!
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