Mr. Right or Mr. Good Enough?

Some people have done it. Some people have suggested that I do it. What is "it"? Marrying someone you don't feel passion for. Basically, settling. "You could have married 'so and so'; you would have had a good life with him." That's what they tell me. Having been in a relationship or two without a lot of chemistry and feeling what a struggle it was, I know there is no way I could do that for the rest of my life.

I came across an interesting artice on this topic recently (link is below) and the line that summed it up for me was: "When it comes to finding the love of your life, settling for Mr. (or Miss) Good Enough is a recipe for dissatisfaction, if not disaster."

http://shine.yahoo.com/channel/sex/is-there-such-a-thing-as-mr-good-enough-2498111/

Take away lesson: Know yourself and decide whether or not the wait is really worth waiting for. Be honest with yourself about whether or not you can endure a life without passionate love.

Dumb Move #2

Here is the second installation in a long line of "dumb moves" that I've experienced guys make. This one has to do with contacting people on a dating website. I received a really cheesy email from a guy. Sooo....I deleted it. Within a few short weeks, I received the same exact email from the same guy. This time, I didn't delete it.
Here's how I responded:

“You've already used that line with me. Didn't work then and it's not working now. You should keep better track of who you contact.”

Either he really wasn't keeping track of who he was contacting or he knew he contacted me before and thought he'd take a second shot. Either way, it didn't work.

Take away lesson: There's nothing wrong with casting a wide net, but know who you have contacted previously! And, of course, don't send cheesy emails!

A Well-Crafted Online Dating Profile Will Earn You Some Love

A well-written online dating profile will get you some love. Well, maybe not the romantic, true love that you're seeking, but it will get you some kudos! There's a lot to know about the art of creating a good online dating profile and in future posts, I'll lay out some of my best tips. For now, I'll show you what type of responses a good online profile (a.k.a. MY profile) will get you. Here is an initial email (grammatical errors and all) that I received from a guy in Connecticut:

Just wanted to say I think your profile is rather stunning, I honestly dont give out too many accolades and I have no idea how I ended up in your part of the world since I live in Coastal CT but regardless we should breed haha.
In all seriousness I need your gene pool to create the ultimate supermodel genius child...What do you say! you in!? ;) Think of it as an investment! He or she will grow up and no doubt generate billions of dollars and cure cancer or something...Its the least we can do!
Food for thought..haha

Here is another email that I received from a 34 year old in NYC:

I must say, you certainly know how to put together a rather compelling profile. From what I can tell, you're witty, vibrant, ambitious, quite stunning & we seem to share a number of common interests including fitness & the beach. I will say that I'm very proficient in the kitchen, as well as other rooms in the house. Yes, I can run a mean load of laundry as well. I'll leave the dessert ideas up to you. I trust your judgement. :-) That being said, drop me a line when you're ready for some added excitement in your life. I'm an RU alum, so perhaps we could meet in New Brunswick next week for some fun...

Take away lesson: A good profile does get attention, so put in the effort when creating it.

Dumb Move #1

In my years of dating, I've experienced a lot of dumb moves. Dumb. Really dumb. From time to time, I'll share some of these stories. However, as always, in an effort to try to keep a semi-balance between the gender issues on this site, I'm tagging the females for the first dumb move. Can't say that I've experienced this one firsthand, but I've had several guys relay this experience to me. It deals with an issue I've already tackled on this site--photos on online dating profiles. More specifically, the age of the photos on online dating profiles.

I have never walked into a first date and immediately realized that I was completely duped by old photos on his profile. Unless I've just been lucky, this seems to be a more common trick amongst the women. Guy after guy has told me that in their dating experiences, they've encountered situations in which after meeting the girl in person, it was very clear that her online profile had very old pictures. I always ask them them the same question, "Did you stay?" I can't believe it, but they've all said that they felt too bad to leave. If this ever happened to me, I would walk out with NO qualms about it. If someone has been deceitful, why do I owe them any courtesy? While the guys I spoke to were kind enough to stay, none of them were interested in a second date. So, really, where did you get yourselves, ladies? You may think that it won't matter because the guy will fall in love with your personality before he sets eyes on you. Even if in some fairytale land that actually happened, you've started off your potential relationship lying and not many people would stand for that.

Take away lesson: Cast yourself in a positive light; share flattering information and pictures about yourself. There's no reason to air dirty laundry on date number 1, but don't deceive people with old pictures. No one wins in this scenario.